im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
