too bad you live with your parents still
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He better not be in your backpack
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
