He disabled his match.com account in front of me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
