naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize