I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
