Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
and you fell through a lawn chair
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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