Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
