In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
