well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
