I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I bet he comes in French.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
