I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
