Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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