i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
