My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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