i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
