I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
