I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
