That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
