you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
