I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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