nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
