he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
