I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
