Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
