You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
What a dumb baby whore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
me + whiskey = a bad person
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
