You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she looked like the before picture.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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