turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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