My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
