By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
