dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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