I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
