i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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