I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
