Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sext me about skeletons
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize