her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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