then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize