I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
