wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
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