wakey wakey hands off snakey
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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