there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
