he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Gay?
German.
Pity.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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