This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
