Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
