is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
