Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
