After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize