Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
