I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
