note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
