if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
