they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize