the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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