Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
