like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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