Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
