He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
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