I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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