Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
