just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize