No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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