he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
