This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
