Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
