Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
