10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
