I hate your face
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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