guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
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