Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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